when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
