is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
