WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
