I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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