how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
