just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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