we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
