You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize