I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think a kid would responsible me up
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
