My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
