Last Night in Texas (806)

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• (806): View more from Texas

  He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there

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• (806): View more from Texas

  You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?

  (806): View more from Texas

  Yes.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

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