Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's never too late to be topless.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
