Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
