Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we made out on top of his cat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
