My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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