Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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