In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
