And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
