4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
