please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just gift wrapped bread.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
