he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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