I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
