You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
