i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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