So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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