True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
