I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
