when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
