My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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