Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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