he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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