i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
