my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
