How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
