There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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