I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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