I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
