Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
