When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
