There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
