just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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