Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
