Porn is love you can see.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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