i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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