I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
