i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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