Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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