I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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