I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
