It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
